Pad, but think of your audience too

Posted on Wed 28 Aug 2013 @ 11.46pm HKT




HERE is an excerpt from a sex-related website that will dry up whatever anatomy you have in two seconds flat (adult language ahead):—

“So what exactly is Jailbait? Jailbait is a term that is used to refer to a girl or woman usually under the legal age of sexual consent who is either physically or mentally mature enough to sexually attract or provoke boys or men older much older than her into either having or trying to have sex with her wilfully or not thereby landing them in jail as per law. In short, a very young girl who is tempting enough to fuck at the risk of jail sentences.Though recorded in the early 1930s, it only became popular in the last decade with the onset of the sexualization of teens by the media for commercial profit.”Moist in the Middle (115 words)

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz….. Sorry! Just resting my eyes for a mo there…

This is the messy way of composing sentences often seen from people in the Asian region.

The either/or is an almost de rigeur construction with those people, mainly because school has ingrained them into using or with either for nearly every instance. Either/or isn’t always necessary and isn’t always correct even in the face of two or more apparent choices.

Spelling inconsistency could be a problem. The excerpt appears to use American English, so use willfully (two l’s) instead of wilfully (one l).

We could feel the collective sperm of our global menfolk dying one by one right now.

Suggested amendments

Trimming down is the better way to bait visitors. Be considerate — the sex-starved visitor is in more urgent need to blow his load than spend time reading academic-sounding crap.

Our suggestion:—

So what exactly is Jailbait? Jailbait is a term that is used to refers to a girl or woman usually under below the legal age of sexual consent who is either physically attractive enough or and mentally mature enough to sexually attract or provoke much older boys or men much older than her into either wanting to have or trying to have sex with her wilfully or not thereby landing them in jail as per law. In short, a very young girl who is tempting enough to fuck at the risk of jail sentences. Though first recorded in the early 1930s, the word jailbait it only became popular in the last decade since 2000 with the onset of the sexualization of teens by the media for commercial profit. (87 words)

Amended, it’s now 87 words vs. original 115 words — or 25% less to read.

That’s 41 words removed. More importantly, it’s 58 syllables removed.

Syllable count has an important effect on the understandability of a text because we ‘speak’ in our minds the words we read.

Go for gold

Indeed, if you’re running a sex-related site, go straight to the heart of the matter:—

Jailbait is a young, fuckable girl below the age of sexual consent who has the guile to provoke older men into having sex with her. The word ‘jailbait’ comes from the 1930s and became popular in the Internet Age with the media-driven sexualization of teens. (45 words)

A whopping 61% less to read.

Personally, we’d prefer to read this with one hand on the mouse:—

‘Jailbait’ is an underage girl with the right fuckability to attract older men for a happy time. Media sexualization of teens in the Internet Age helped to popularize the word from the 1930s. (34 words)

Which version would you rather read, while you’re desperate to eject body fluids?

__________

© Learn English or Starve, 2013. Featured image via Moist in the Middle. (B13281)

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Posted in: Colour Section